In Response to my post about Nick Harrell
I’ve received many emails in response to my blog about Nick. I posted a link to my Facebook page and from there, it went viral. Friends he knew from high school, college, Chicago and even some in LA, like me, who barely knew Nick have written to express their grief and gratitude. I never imagined anyone would read my post. I was just so heartsick that I had to write something in honor of a man who taught me how to live better. It’s beautiful to see what an impact he made on so many people’s lives. Clearly, he was a blessed man to have known such good friends. And, from what people have told me, he was an extraordinary presence.
Losing someone we care about brings up so many emotions – love, gratitude, regret, grief, guilt, anger, confusion, disbelief and sadness. What are we supposed to say? How should we console, show our support and express our sympathy? How can WORDS ever convey all we are feeling? From our hearts, we try but it just never seems to feel right.
One of my spiritual mentors taught me a lot about words. In one single year she lost her husband, father and two sons. I can’t even imagine. How is someone ever emotionally capable for such immense loss? Her social obligations alone were nearly unbearable. It’s not that she wasn’t appreciative for the support; she just didn’t know what to say to anyone. And, how was she supposed to BE? She felt conflicted because, despite wanting to hide under the covers and cry forever, she had to be brave. One by one, she would listen to people share their grief and sorrow as they tried to comfort her. She knew everyone meant well but she felt so fragmented that she couldn’t take their words in. She felt alone. Utterly alone.
Shortly after the death of her second son and the last of four of her loved ones in a year, a dear friend came to visit. He sat down next to her on the living room floor, took a deep long breath, looked into her sad eyes and said, “I don’t know what to say.” She burst into tears. They sat together in silence for hours. Half a day went by and they never said a word to each other. Finally, they peeled themselves off the floor and went about their evening. She told me that hearing the words, “I don’t know what to say” was profoundly healing because it finally gave her the freedom not to know either.
For all who loved Nick, I am truly sorry for your loss.
